How do I put this? Its been awhile, yes. The last time I blogged was, what, nearly 2 years ago cause I was going thru my posts that I'd uploaded, and the last was on the first week of January '16. Yes indeed, that was quite some time now. But in shaa Allah, this time I'll try to keep updating as frequent as I can? I want to have something that I can look back to in, I don't know in 5 or maybe 10 years time? Wouldn't that be exciting? Started my internship 3 days ago, on Monday and its Wednesday now btw. Everything is so far so good, alhamdulillah. But still, its still too soon to tell. Aite, toodles xx
11th Chapter
Thursday, 11 June 2015
This is the first time I feel so useless in doing my studies. Its like I don't know anything about almost everything. I am really tense thinking that I only have a couple of days before finals. AllahuAkbar. I don't know who to tell. I don't wanna let my parents know about this cause it would dissappoint them and I've dissappoint them enough. I'm at my point where I just want to give up.
10th Chapter
Wednesday, 10 June 2015
Well I guess, I was your something, when to me, you were my everything. You potrayed non efforts to make me feel better and the worst part, you left me hanging, hurt, on my 20th birthday. I always thought that my birthday would be different this year. Cause I got you. Cause you were actually my damn source of happiness. Guess I was wrong. Thankyou though. For the scars that you kept on hurting making it bleed over and over again. Thankyou very much. May Allah bless you.
9th Chapter
Monday, 8 June 2015
Undoubtly it is now of never. I must care less about people from now on. Even the person I trust the most, the one I gave my heart to, hurt me. And surprisingly, its the person I loved the most who least understands me. And kept telling me that he doesn't changed a bit. Blergh? Why does my dearself kept on expecting people will do good deeds towards me? Why am I being unexpectedly too nice til at a certain point, people had the urge to step on me? Am I that straight? That dumb to see? That people are like that? No no. So far the road I've walked through, the only type of people who would do these are malays. Yes. As much as I don't wabt to admit it. My own race. Humiliation. Keeping that set of mind for finding a friend who would advantage them. Well boohoo. Friends with benefits I must say. Ay dear mate, why are you guys being so sceptical? It disgusts me. It really really does. This is why I hate Malays. Even I am a Malay myself but the irritation Ihave for these kind of Malays made me regret not a single thing. But that's alright. I'll work my ass off. And I have my families with me. And The Almighty. That is all I ever needed.
8th Chapter
Thursday, 28 May 2015
I did it. Yes, I did it. I am not so sure whether the responds I get was a rejection or otherwise. But I'm glad I finally did it. And now deep down inside I just know that one day, I am gonna regret the actions that I took. Positively, confidently sure. But whatever. At least I got nothing to lose. Goodday mate xx
7th Chapter
Wednesday, 27 May 2015
I don't know what to do anymore. Should I keep this to myself? Or should I just let it go. What could possibly go wrong? Disappointment. Rejection. That is what its all gonna be wrong. What did I do to deserve this? It is tiring. It is discomforting me man come on just let it all out. What? Heck no. No no no it'll be weird, you'll look weird -I have this unstoppable arguments that are going on my mind and my point of awareness is slowly fading- I can tell if this thing goes well, if chances were given, I would say it will rather be good and it'll benefits me and you. But no. You're cowardly afraid to try. Well fyi, I am afraid as well. On what is happening to me. This curiousity. This 'thing'. I am gasping for help. Please. Help. If you would just help.....,
6th Chapter
If only you'd give me the chance. Please? At least try? I promise I am so worth it. Time, your attention, your everything. If only you'd listen. Of what I am gonna say. Please? Just please.
How do I put this? Its been awhile, yes. The last time I blogged was, what, nearly 2 years ago cause I was going thru my posts that I'd uploaded, and the last was on the first week of January '16. Yes indeed, that was quite some time now. But in shaa Allah, this time I'll try to keep updating as frequent as I can? I want to have something that I can look back to in, I don't know in 5 or maybe 10 years time? Wouldn't that be exciting? Started my internship 3 days ago, on Monday and its Wednesday now btw. Everything is so far so good, alhamdulillah. But still, its still too soon to tell. Aite, toodles xx
This is the first time I feel so useless in doing my studies. Its like I don't know anything about almost everything. I am really tense thinking that I only have a couple of days before finals. AllahuAkbar. I don't know who to tell. I don't wanna let my parents know about this cause it would dissappoint them and I've dissappoint them enough. I'm at my point where I just want to give up.
Well I guess, I was your something, when to me, you were my everything. You potrayed non efforts to make me feel better and the worst part, you left me hanging, hurt, on my 20th birthday. I always thought that my birthday would be different this year. Cause I got you. Cause you were actually my damn source of happiness. Guess I was wrong. Thankyou though. For the scars that you kept on hurting making it bleed over and over again. Thankyou very much. May Allah bless you.
Undoubtly it is now of never. I must care less about people from now on. Even the person I trust the most, the one I gave my heart to, hurt me. And surprisingly, its the person I loved the most who least understands me. And kept telling me that he doesn't changed a bit. Blergh? Why does my dearself kept on expecting people will do good deeds towards me? Why am I being unexpectedly too nice til at a certain point, people had the urge to step on me? Am I that straight? That dumb to see? That people are like that? No no. So far the road I've walked through, the only type of people who would do these are malays. Yes. As much as I don't wabt to admit it. My own race. Humiliation. Keeping that set of mind for finding a friend who would advantage them. Well boohoo. Friends with benefits I must say. Ay dear mate, why are you guys being so sceptical? It disgusts me. It really really does. This is why I hate Malays. Even I am a Malay myself but the irritation Ihave for these kind of Malays made me regret not a single thing. But that's alright. I'll work my ass off. And I have my families with me. And The Almighty. That is all I ever needed.
I did it. Yes, I did it. I am not so sure whether the responds I get was a rejection or otherwise. But I'm glad I finally did it. And now deep down inside I just know that one day, I am gonna regret the actions that I took. Positively, confidently sure. But whatever. At least I got nothing to lose. Goodday mate xx
I don't know what to do anymore. Should I keep this to myself? Or should I just let it go. What could possibly go wrong? Disappointment. Rejection. That is what its all gonna be wrong. What did I do to deserve this? It is tiring. It is discomforting me man come on just let it all out. What? Heck no. No no no it'll be weird, you'll look weird -I have this unstoppable arguments that are going on my mind and my point of awareness is slowly fading- I can tell if this thing goes well, if chances were given, I would say it will rather be good and it'll benefits me and you. But no. You're cowardly afraid to try. Well fyi, I am afraid as well. On what is happening to me. This curiousity. This 'thing'. I am gasping for help. Please. Help. If you would just help.....,
If only you'd give me the chance. Please? At least try? I promise I am so worth it. Time, your attention, your everything. If only you'd listen. Of what I am gonna say. Please? Just please.
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